The pursuit to calming the F$#& down continues………..

Hi Folks, long time, no write! Ha! Well, here’s an updated post I think you’ll have at least a few nuggets to chew on.

Malcolm Gladwell popularized the 10,000 practice rule. If you practice something for 10,000 hours, you can become an expert in it. Obviously there are many plausible limitations we can all think of such as Olympic swimmers, great musicians and the like. There are countless talented individuals who we all know are 1 in a million, maybe even 1 in 10 million. I don’t think I’ll be submitting my lap time for the next Olympic tryouts, but, within reason, I extrapolated this theory into meditating and relaxing more.

I chose to count 10,000 ocean or sea waves

with the hopes of somehow obtaining a sense

of peace and relaxation through out my daily life.

By becoming an “expert” in counting waves, eventually I could adopt that calm and relaxed state of mind (insert Yoga emoji here).

Off and on, I counted waves since about September of 2014. Over the years, my wave-counting became a “carved out” time and a place for me to regenerate my “insides”. Due to a stressful life getting in the way, I didn’t keep it up as much as I could have or wanted to.

The other driving force was that I wanted to become a better meditator because in the past, meditation has worked for me. Meditating became more difficult to practice. It’s been down-right HARD and an up-hill battle. I’m sure many of you will attest to sitting in a quiet room to purposefully meditate. Instead all your mind wants to do is race.

In the effort to quiet my mind, I performed a bait and switch.

Counting the waves for me was something external to concentrate on. Side note – I am lucky and blessed to live near the ocean. Strike that; I intentionally live near the ocean because of what it means to me. The ocean has always given me immeasurable benefits throughout my entire life.

Hahaha, I always joke that if I need to go into hiding for some reason, it will be easy to find me. No doubt, I will be within 10 miles of an ocean or sea.

Counting waves to calm the F$%& down sounds great right? It didn’t happen! Yes, it worked on some days, but mostly I was at my baseline stress level as soon as I stopped.

Now that the project is completed, I have much more perspective on why it didn’t work. It’s funny that I came to this conclusion almost 7 years later. Hahaha, as you can imagine, I don’t give up easily and this was no different. It’s ironic that I KNOW the blue-print for accomplishing goals, after all, “goal” is my middle name.

Guess what? I AM more calm today

and my mind is MUCH quieter.

Here’s how I did it. Listen closely. Ooops, I mean read what I am about to throw down (insert wink here). As always, my hope is to inspire you to glean what ever you can from my experiment and make it your own.

After counting waves from all over the world on 4 different continents (more pics to come in Part Two), I did gain some knowledge that warrants sharing. The calm and relaxing feelings I experience today have more to do with some key steps I took over the last year. In fact, I am still taking steps that are in the right direction.

Looking back on it, what was missing in my practice of counting 10,000 waves was that I didn’t put forth the effort to commit to what some may interpret as deep work coined by Cal Newport. In the past, I’ve definitely practiced the 10,000 hours rule with success in my medical career, but it’s not just doing something 10,000 times or for 10,000 hours, the intention has to be there and one must submerge oneself in the practice.

1… I left work – Obviously this was the biggest step I took and I couldn’t deeply submerge myself into becoming an expert at calming down until I quit. For others, it could mean a job change, or reducing your hours, giving up call or job-sharing.

For me, I had to make a clean break, because that’s how I operate, I’m a dog with a bone until it “gets done”. Oooff (insert head-in-hands emoji here). Leaving medicine has been a hard choice but so far worth it. Should I say it twice for the people in the back? If you can leave work for now, for good or for two months, or maybe just on the weekends, think about the self-work you could get accomplished. Just sayin’.

2… Due to COVID, I had no choice but to quiet my mind with welcomed boredom. In the absence of travel planning, orchestrating our next financial moves, volunteering, obligatory family events and most certainly staying away from the news as much as possible in 2020, I had no choice but to sit with my conscience for extended periods of time. This was vital because there were no obstacles in front of me.

I had to work on what was NOT working in my life.

I can write today that although I’m still on my journey of becoming a “calm expert”, I am on the other side of a few mountain ranges. Minus the little “cuts and bruises” along the way, I am better for it. The BEST part so far has been building the confidence in my “skill set” of calming the F#@& down (in my “OM” Yogi voice – hehehe).

I am on the verge of growth and I know it!

I’ve experienced it many times in my medical career. This feeling of mastering something is familiar to me and I am embracing it. I’m ALSO looking ahead at the work that is still in front of me and with deliberate practice; easily tackled.

3… Something looooooooonnnnnnngggggg overdue I have put off for too many years was the decision to get professional help. Yes folks, I FINALLY took the plunge. I am in therapy. Hahaha I “out-sourced” this portion of my “calm expert” quest. I was done spinning my wheels and I realized that there was only so much “research” I could do on the internet or learn from reading “self-help” books. For me, this will be the largest mountain to scale, but I am committed.

P.S. I am an unapologetic/card-carrying proponent of all-things self-help.

4… I am a lazy sun-of-a-gun and guilt-free about it. Yyyaaasss! My husband scolds me and friends and family tease me, but check this – I don’t care. I just laugh. I know (and most of them know too) that I have been busting my ass longer and harder than the majority (in fact, since I was 15 years old- more on that later).

I have achieved things no one expected me to achieve and it’s time for me to rest. Just because I am not on their time-line. God forbid anyone retire before age 65 the humanity! NOT MY PROBLEM.

Yup, my lazy-ass gene has been up-regulated by MANY enhancers & influencers, I can feeeel the proteins being synthesized (in my genetics nerd voice). All day, everyday I’m HUSTLING, LAZY (insert cheshire cat resting face here).

5… I now have the space in my brain to expand from here. I’m not saying that every time I go to the beach and count waves that some overwhelming calming episode happens, but it’s happening more and for longer stretches of time. I am open to all possibilities far and wide, large and small, short and long to achieving sustainable serenity on my “insides”.

With the absence of just about everything, I am filling the space with working on all the roots of me being stressed out and re-routing those pathways into being more calm any way I can make it happen.

Although my life has been put on hold due to the world-wide pandemic, I know that real calm and sustainable peace needs to be worked on just like any other goal I have achieved in my lifetime.

I want to get 1% better every single day.

As we say in the F.I.R.E. community. “You don’t become a millionaire at once, but one more dollar saved or invested can make you a millionaire”.

Stay tuned for Part Two coming at ya! But now, I must go shake it up with my USB Disco ball to the sounds of Louie Vega, Francois K & Natasha Diggs on Twitch!

If you can’t join on Twitch, here are some inspirational tracks that calm me the F%$# down….

I hope they will have the same effect on you.

Peaceful One’s – Lonnie Liston Smith

Wise One – John Coltrane

Sailing – Christopher Cross

Summer Madness – Kool and the Gang

Piece of Mind – Idris Muhammad