Have you ever seen the Instructions for Life by the Dalai Lama? There are many iterations, but the general gist is to be a good human and to do upon others as you would want them to do upon you.
I completely love these instructions. So much so, I’ve had them professionally printed and given them as wedding gifts with a few of my own thrown in there (hehehe).
Through out my training and in my career I learned a few things that are worth sharing. It’s hard enough practicing medicine while being a woman and a minority woman at that. Our “jobs” are unique and require a few more etiquette skills than most jobs.
I’ve seen head-on collisions I wish I would have spoken up about as sadly the outcome would have turned out much better than the alternative. It’s only natural to have these regrets in one’s career and sometimes in Life.
Furthermore, as women we don’t get an instruction manual when we finish residency and/or Fellowship. In an effort to pay it forward, here are my instructions for work life.
In my attempt not to repeat the Dalai Lama’s infinite wisdom, I impart my own here with a female doc’s sensibility in mind. Some of these I have experienced and some I have witnessed and learned from other’s successes and mistakes.
Life is like my curly hair……… it goes in a lot of different directions and the lines are certainly not straight (hmm sounds like there’s a Yogi Berra quote in there somewhere).
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, by no means is this a comprehensive list, nor is it a “do’s and don’ts” guideline. Secondly – they are in no certain order. It’s what I learned, my metaphorical boots on the ground. It’s my experience and if it benefits one person out there then I consider it helpful. Finally, most speak for themselves, others require a little bit of an explanation, but I’ll keep it as K.I.S.S. as possible.
In no way are these ranked; they are literally my random and pressed thoughts ……
1…… Treat others how you would like to be treated.
2…… Shit or get off the pot.
3….. What you fertilize grows for good and for bad.
4….. Don’t be “all hat and no cattle”. Don’t say you are going to do something and renege.
5….. Giving is much better than receiving.
6….. Think twice before you speak especially in touchy situations with colleagues.
7…. Address disputes immediately if feasible.
8…. Get at least two mentors; one that looks like you and one that doesn’t.
9…. Don’t work for free, let me say this again and in sign language. DON’T WORK FOR FREE! Skip that 4th brain-storming committee meeting, don’t volunteer to greet Hospital executives, etc.
10….. Take a calculated risk, but stay in your lane.
11….. Actions speak louder than words on EVERY SINGLE LEVEL.
12…..Give news (good, bad and neutral) immediately if possible.
13……Honesty is the best policy.
14…..Cheer your co-workers, your team and your patients as much as physically possible. Honor small and large wins equally. Cheers go a LOOOOOOONG way.
15…..When someone asks for help – give them the help, even if you perceive them as lazy. In the reverse, don’t be shy to ask a question if you don’t understand something, don’t be an Island.
16…..Drill down on your unique skill set. That might mean you like dealing with “the crazies” – hey some practitioners have a knack for it. Hone in on what makes you special and unique as a practitioner and become the “go to” person for those patients.
17……Incorporate frequent short mental breaks in your day. Have your favorite hype- phrase or song queued up at the ready when you need it.
18…. Get a cell phone separate from your work phone and TURN IT OFF when you are not responsible for patient care.
19….. If you can’t figure something out – the reason why you were wronged or something derogatory towards you happened, look behind the curtain. What was the motivation? Who stands to gain (power, money, fatigued, not smart enough, reacting, straight-up sexism, or racism….)? It usually reflects some sort of “lack” on the other party.
20….. People work up to their level of incompetence – and so do we.
The Peter Principal is a concept in management theory by Lawrence J. Peter
“….. employees only stop being promoted once they can no longer perform effectively, and managers rise to the level of their incompetence”.
21. Communication is key – easy to say, hard to practice effectively.
Avoiding and ignoring indolent problems are not good and will build up to a point of no return. I’m sure you’ve had these gut wrenching experiences that seemed like forever. Even if they are hard and touchy topics, address them immediately if you can for your own mental well being if nothing else comes out of it. Always, and I mean ALWAYS have the solution or multiple solutions before you open your mouth.
You want to be the “answer woman” not the complainer who only complains and never has any resolutions.
22. Don’t be a bully and don’t participate in bullying with the bully. Don’t throw anyone under the bus- even if encouraged – it will always be wrong and sometimes it will come back at you like a boomerang. Maintain your integrity. In situations like this, people are watching you and maintaining your integrity will always win. At the end of the day, you want to sleep at night.
23. Multi-tasking is bad for you and bad for your patients. Just say “NO”. Stay focused and don’t budge, your patients deserve ALL of you as their lives are at stake.
24. Listen to your gut, subconscious, inner neuroceptive being (what ever name you want to call it) when it tells you it’s time to go. Your body will tell you before your brain acknowledges it.
25. My final unsolicited recommendation to cure most ailments; listen to Disco and dance it out.
